The Journey Begins....

I am 30 and I have Psoriatic Arthritis (PA). But this blog is not about that. I went to my Rheumatologist yesterday because I have been experiencing awful pain in my knees. X-Rays show bone spurs and joint damage. But that isn't the worst of it. The difference in the X-Rays when I am lying down and when I am standing is staggering. My weight squishes all the knee cartilage down to nothing and the bone rubs on bone. I asked what can I do about this? How do I fix it? My Rheum. was very straight with me. "Lose weight. You are a young person, you can do it".

PA is rough, but it is also a scapegoat for me. Any joint pain can be blamed on PA and I don't have to take responsibility for being so fat. Until it was laid out for me. Thank goodness for a doc who will tell you straight.

Ever since age 12, I have had a little pooch below my belly button. In Jr. High and High School I ran track and did a zillion sit ups every day, but still never had a flat stomach. After high school I stopped running and started eating. I didn't have a Twinkie until I was 18, but when I did for the first time I ate the whole box and then got sick. I'm not a binger, but sometimes I don't quite know when to stop.

At age 20, after balooning from a size 6 my senior year to a size 16, I went on Weight Watchers. I lost 30 pounds so easily. I didn't feel deprived and I started to feel like myself again. I even went through the holidays on my plan and losing weight. Then I hit a plateau. I got so frustrated that I just quit after 4 weeks of little to no movement on the scale.

In the last 10 years, there have been a ton of excuses for getting fatter and fatter. My mom got cancer and passed away, I got married to a drunk and had 5 years of upheaval with him, I got diagnosed with PA, I take medications that make losing weight hard. I have tried Weight Watchers 2 more times and Jenny Craig two times, only to lose a few pounds and then give up and of course gain it back again.

So why now? I am SCARED. I had a week where I couldn't walk and I don't want that to be my life. The plan? Weight Watchers again (it really does work if you stick to it), but this time with a buddy. And the gym, but light walking. Why blog? To have another person (group) to keep me accountable.

First WW meeting is Monday at 5:30, I will for sure let you know how it goes!